Friday, December 10, 2010

On Christmas and Holiday Newsletters

It’s that time of year again. And even with the changes from paper holiday cards to ecards, one constant remains. The newsletter.

Or should I say... “The Longwinded Personal Diaries Released En Masse in December”?

Years back, we had a designated letter writer for my extended family. Part news, part cringe, 100% mimeographed. After all, nothing screams Christmas like faded purple ink on white paper. But being a kid, not only did I have the bliss of not having to read it – I didn’t even have to pretend to know what was in it!

Ah, those were the days…

But now, I’m an adult. At least that’s what the calendar says. And my husband and I get the honor of lugging them from the mailbox, into the house, directly to the “library.” I mean, really, if every kid on the planet made the Dean’s list, then we probably wouldn’t be in the economic position we’re in now, would we? And about the 4,682 bags of leaves sitting on the curb... Talking about gripping statistics!

Or is it “griping statistics”?

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some friends whose letters we miss when they don’t write them. In fact, we pleaded one family to send theirs out this year. Why, you ask? (Oh, you didn’t ask? No problem, I’ll tell anyway.) They are hysterical. And, above all else, they are real.

I mean, who hasn’t seen a kid give her sibling’s bangs an impromptu buzz cut? Or dumped fuchsia nail polish all over the newly installed carpet?

Or the dog?

And about that word, “camp”, when 19 year-old Johnny goes there unexpectedly in March, what kind of “camp” is it, exactly? Hmm…

Ahh, the things you’d really rather read in family newsletters. Oh, the things that will never find their way to print! But, oh, how delicious they would be if they did…

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