My daughter made the tennis team. Many would say this is
an astounding feat for someone on the autism spectrum. Let’s face it; gross
motor skills and “place in space” have never been her strong point, as is true
with many of her Aspie peers. But give her a racket, and she’s “home”.
Watching the matches this season truly has been
phenomenal. Our daughter has worked so hard for so many years to get to this
point and we are thrilled, even though she only played in a few of them. We
also hold another perspective than most of the team’s parents. While some
parents are understandably disappointed when their daughter drops a position,
we are as happy as clams that ours made it to begin with. (Ok, this begs the
question…How do we know clams are happy?) Sure, we want our child to strive to
do her best, and we do encourage her to do so, but our journey to this point
has been full.
There is a saying that goes along the lines that a large
part of playing tennis is mental. Watch the Pros. If the opponent gets into the
player’s head (not literally), that player will start to make mistakes. As
those mistakes increase, so does the level of frustration. Depending on the
player’s self-control and focus, the mental aspect of the game may turn the
tide in the opponent’s favor. Mind over matter truly can make a difference in
the outcome of the game.
Our journey with autism is largely the same, isn’t it?
Sure, we want our kids to behave in public. Who doesn’t? (Ok, maybe that mom
who is letting her children do cartwheels down the aisles, with chocolate candy
crumbs dripping off their round faces, singing aloud to the stale music playing
in the store…We’ve all seen her before, right?) But there are times our child
is being fairly well behaved and we still receive sideways glances. Or maybe
the bluntness of our child on a day when we are physically and emotionally
exhausted gets the best of us, tempting us to react in a way we’d rather not.
It’s at times like this we need to keep our head “in the game”.
Don’t let that stranger take your eyes off the ball (your
child, your child’s progress, etc.). Don’t let that relative force you to move
your position, resulting in a foot fault.
Know that as there are often many supportive people in
our lives, whether family, professionals, eFriends (people we meet via FB
groups, etc.), friends* we can call and do coffee with; there are others who
will do their best to throw off our game. They may say the ball is actually an
apple or the solid point you made is out of bounds, when it isn’t.
Keep your eye on the ball (your child) and work to keep
your team (family, professionals, etc.) strong so that the end game results in
a win for your child and her personal growth time after time after time!
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*(And no, not everyone has friends, and we all need to be
sensitive to this! Not everyone has someone nearby to talk to and share
everyday moments with. The sad reality is that autism often isolates parents
from social circles. Not always. But to act as if this part of life is “rosy”
for all involved does a great disservice to those whose hearts are lonely and
aching. If you are feeling like an island, know that you are not the only one
feeling this way. Many other parents feel the same. And it does not mean this
situation will last a lifetime – hang in there! And for those who know parent’s
with spectrum kids, reach out - but only
if you mean it! No one likes to feel like they are someone’s “project”. ~peace)
